Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
