remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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