That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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