I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
