Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
