True but thats because hes a fetus.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
