Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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