They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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