i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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