So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
