a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
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I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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