East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
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tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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