theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
