I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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