Swine flu. Run for my life!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
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This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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