thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
