Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
