Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
