If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
