My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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