about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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