that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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