fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
