The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
