Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
