im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
