Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
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Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
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Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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