sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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