i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
