winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
