Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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