New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
