i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
