You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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