dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
