I am puke
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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