just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
