so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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