wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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