hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
pray to the hookup gods
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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