She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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