Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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