I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize