I think i peed on brittanys purse
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
