I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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