All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
