White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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