I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
