Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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