Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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