Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
