if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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