is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize