that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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