so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
