It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
