This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
