I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
