I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
