This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
