I'm going to jail i love you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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