There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
