i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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