OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
