i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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