Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
