I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
