Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
even my farts smell like vagina
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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